Retail is screwing up my brain and I hate it


I graduated from college just a couple of weeks ago with not a lot of hope in my eyes. I was excited to go to the music festival that I had planned as a vacation with my partner, but the prospect of graduating left me with a deep, existential fear.

I still have that existential fear, it turns out. To help with that, I’ve been writing (not here, obviously) more frequently, trying to read more, and generally trying to find things that make me happy. I’ve been seeing a therapist about my problems with anxiety and depression, which has also been helpful.

I’m not in bad place after graduation by any means, mind you. I have my adult life mostly figured out (I naively believe) and I have a full-time job now, where I once only worked part-time. I work at an organic grocery store here, where I help customer’s find things.

Today something embarrassing happened to me. I was raised in a small town, where the food was mostly ordinary, if that makes sense. A customer came up to me and asked me where the pâté was. I apologized to her and said that I wasn’t familiar with that product, and asked if she describe it. After she explained and I realized, while she was talking, that I knew exactly what pâté  is, she then told me that I should learn more about the “kinds of foods the eat in Boulder”.

It just made me so furious at this customer. It made me feel like I was still a hayseed, even though I went through four years of college to make sure that that wouldn’t happen again. It made me furious about the fucking elitism in the town, but that’s mostly just a fact of life. It made me feel worse than this grown-ass lady going grocery shopping at 10 a.m. on a Tuesday.